LAST DAY: Break-ups Break My Heart

Breaking-up can be rough.

There are hurt feelings, sometimes regret, and even tears.

You know what I'm talking about.

If you've never experienced it I'm sure you've had a roommate, sibling, parent, 

friend, or just seen it on T.V. 

You probably know then that it is NOT fun.

For whatever reason things aren't working out and you just need to end it.

There isn't any way around it and you HAVE to say goodbye to someone you care about.

Well...

I had to "break-up" with 25 kids today.

:(

They didn't do anything wrong.

Nothing at all. 

(I mean I did get thrown up on by Smiles today but that doesn't count. :) )  

I didn't want to leave them but I had to say goodbye.
We're been going strong for 3 months and I just have to leave.

"It's not you, it's me. I just can't make this long distance relationship work."

Truer words have never been spoken.
(Silly I know, but it's the only comparison I could think of while writing this. Ha)

 When DeeDee and I were leaving little Marilyn duck-walked over to us, puckered her lips, gave us kisses, and said "Ba ba!" (Bye-bye!)

My heart broke into tiny little pieces and, oh ya, I CRIED. A LOT.

I can't tell you how much I will miss those little people...

HOSPITAL:

I went to the hospital to say goodbye to Adam 

(who is still alive --which is wonderful-- but is looking worse and worse everyday).

I held him for hours.

The lights were off and his room was empty so I just sat and rocked him.

His neck is large and swollen and his breathing is irregular at best.

It's awful that I feel like I have to watch his little chest to make sure he is even breathing.

I just love this little boy.

I wish that I could be here for his last bit of life here but I have to go.

A plane leaves tomorrow from Iasi and it'll have me on it.

Oh Adam, I love you and I hope that the rest of your life will be painless and peaceful!

There was a mother in the room (a new mother this time)

who was there with her little baby boy.

She gave birth to triplets (3 months ahead of her due date) but two of them have died. :(

Her little son was a fighter and has been fighting these past 4 months.

She is an amazing mother and has taken such a liking to little Adam!

She gives updates on how he is doing and puts Vaseline on his dry little lips.

I am constantly amazed at the little acts of kindness that she shows to him!

Unfortunately, she has been moved from his room and so he is alone again...

Guys, saying goodbye to Adam was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I don't even want to write or talk about it anymore. 

There's just too much heartbreak and not enough words in the English language

to express how I feel about leaving him and my other kids.

Now wait just a second before you all go and send me a message with a hamster in a Santa hat

with your deepest condolences.

Yes, I feel terrible that I am leaving my kids and will never see them again.

Yes, it is terrible that Adam will probably die alone.

Yes, it is all terrible.

BUT

I am trying my best to be optimistic right now.
Or at least "fake it 'til I make it."

 I don't want to be sad.

I want to leave here feeling... happy. :)
(--Pretty basic words I'm using here but I claim the right to use them since I am so tired.)

I want to leave remembering their little laughs, smiles, hugs, kisses, babbling, fingers, toes, and tiny little people clothing.

 

I want to leave knowing that I came and did what I set out to do.

It is terrible...but it has been a WONDERFUL 3 months and I wouldn't have changed anything.

  It's crazy to think how 3 months (90 days; 2160 hours) can have such an impact.

I'm so grateful for the experiences I have had here and the children I have met!

So, on that note let's get happy together with a How I Met Your Mother quote.

Thank you Barney Stintson.

:)

In other news...

I'M COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo hoo!!

Now that my work here is over (and I can't do anything to change that)

 I am letting it sink in that I am heading back to the good ol' USA.

I am getting more and more excited as I think about seeing all of you again! :)

I am SO excited to see you. :)

When I think about coming home I wonder if I will have a hard time going back to 

normal daily life...

Maybe I will miss my kids so much I'll become a cat lady...

Or maybe just wear a cat coat.

Or dress like a cat...a big cat.

(And then dress any nearby children as cats too.)

Or maybe I'll become a cat. ;)

 HAhahaha!

Well, who knows. :)

What I DO know is that I won't have to take so many selfsie shots anymore.
(This is NOT me. As much as I would love to recreate this I don't think my Grandma is as willing. :) )

Sorry for the ridiculous pictures.

I'm trying to take my mind off of the kids and these made me laugh. 

I just love people.

:)

 

Maybe I'll edit this and write more tomorrow...

maybe not.

(Probably not.)

My mind has been stuck in a blender today so there are no promises.

If not....

GOODBYE ROMANIA!

You have been wonderful.

:)

The darling children, the friendly people, the food, the mountains, the stray dogs, the monasteries, the trams that nearly run us over everyday, the, almost daily, covrig, the morning runs to the orphanage, the tiny LDS branch, the missionaries translating everything for us, the Skype conversations with people back home, the nurses, the doctors, the kind mothers, the taxi drivers that turn up the radio so I can sing along,  the diaper changing, blowing up balloons, blowing bubbles, the spit-up covered scrubs, my couch-bed, sleeping in the dining room, putting all our left over food on the balcony for the nasty pigeons to eat, the old men who play chess at the park across the street, the potato-protein mush the children eat, The Young and the Restless playing 24/7 at the orphanage, roommate movie-date nights, teeny elevator rides, only wearing leggings, the hose I shower with, hanging my clothes on the balcony, changing my clothes on the balcony ha, lighting our stove and oven with matches, the tiny glass figurines in the apartment, the late night walks through Palas' park, the story swapping, the hand-sanitizing, the parks, the gardens, the Russian statues, walking through the middle of construction zones with sparks flying everywhere, the mud river, Betty Ice, rubbing baby lotion on babies, feeding a baby with a giant glass bottle, singing Romanian songs, not sitting on the floor because "your ovaries will freeze if you do", teaching kids to walk, going on adventures, never sleeping in, bloc housing, and my awesome roommates!

Okay, just ONE more thing I am going to miss: My Backpack
My plane leaves tomorrow so I had to empty it out and I realized that

I more-or-less had a diaper bag. :)

Whew.

Well, that's all folks.

I might do a post once I come home but 

since I won't be in Romania anymore I doubt anyone will read that one. :)

Thank you for being such a wonderful audience and I hope you have enjoyed reading 

about little pieces of my life here in Romania!

See you soon! 

:)